You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
