you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
