Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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