Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
