Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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