I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
