Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
