Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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