i need an iv and a liver transplant
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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