$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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