Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
