He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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