my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
