it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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