I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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