wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
