Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize