party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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