i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
