If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was confusing and full of hummus
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
