No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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