the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
