i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
