i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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