I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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