woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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