why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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