So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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