dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
