to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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