Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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