She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
