i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
