def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
