you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm too high and old for this...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
