Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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