ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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