At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
