Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
