your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You ruined the universe
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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