She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
