I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
