Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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