I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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