well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
