If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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