Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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