When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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