I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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