He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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