Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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