If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
