you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize