I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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