i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
