I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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