she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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