Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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