Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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