you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
