I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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