accomplished twins. life is a go
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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