Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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