dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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