i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize