all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
